My View on the Drive Into Work

The vivid brightness of the white snow on the Rocky Mountains today made them look light-emitting rather than just light-reflecting.

What It Is

"What is the difference between imagination and memory? Which is stronger?" - Lynda Barry

This is a quote from the book "What It Is" which my mom bought for me when she had a discount at Barnes and Noble. Such a thoughtful and unexpected gift. She gave it to me when I came home for Thanksgiving but I am just now starting to read it. Explore it, really... it's got pictures!

I have been having a difficult time focusing on positive things the past few days.  I'm not sure how much to share. No one reads this but maybe someday people will.  Would that even matter?

Anyway, I was trying to think of what beautiful thing I discovered today, and everything seemed sort of lackluster, and I wanted to just do a cop-out and say, "My cat is beautiful." Then my eyes fell upon this book, and I opened it and was immediately excited again.  Awakened.  

Whenever I am feeling run down, I should always try to remember what comforts and awakens me. Reading. Writing. Music. Nurturing my creative soul. These things won't let me down. I'm longing for a canvas and some paints.

I'm still not feeling particularly chipper, but at least now I know what it is I am going to do. Off to bed with a book in hand. 

Modern Family Love

I haven't been home too much this week.  Tuesday I worked late then headed to my boyfriend's house for pizza and a movie.  Woke up at 5:30 a.m. on Wednesday, got into work early and didn't get home until after ten.  Worked, then did my workout, then went to choir practice, then did some grocery shopping.  Tonight I went to a church event after work and got home a bit after eight. 

Just watched last night's episode of "Modern Family" on Hulu.  That show makes me smile.  Firstly, it is hilarious.  Secondly, they always end it in some heartfelt, family-oriented way.  (Not family-orientated, mind you.  Grammar pet peeve!)  I am such a sucker for that shit!  Bring on Danny Tanner having a little talk with Stephanie at the end of the episode!

Tomorrow I am going to... (drumroll please)... make soup!  Yes, I am going to make something from scratch - a rare occurrence.  I'm thinking of how to explain the reasons why I don't cook very often.  Is it because I live alone?  Is it because I'm such a perfectionist that the execution takes too long?  Is it because I don't have the ingredients at my house?  I thought briefly about all of these things and then I realized that I can explain all I want, but the crux of it is that I am lazy.  Cooking involves a lot of time and effort.  I prefer to spend my time and effort on other endeavors, such as Googling obscure references made on "Modern Family."

And that brings us to.... (should we put a drumroll here too?)... the beautiful thing for today.

It's just gotta be "Modern Family."  It's got humor, it's got heart, it's got non-traditional family structures that show how love is love is love.  And it's got special guest star Billy Dee Williams.  Lando loves Colt 45!

A Rare and Powerful Thing

So many beautiful things I could focus on... I'd rather just do a list right now, feeling like being succinct.

• "Just Kids" by Patti Smith

• The imaginative visuals of "Life of Pi"

• Peaches and raspberries instead of chocolate

• And last but certainly not least, Jimmy Kimmel's "Goodbye to Midnight" special (Oprah's Book Club Fight Club, I'm Fucking Ben Affleck, The Handsome Men's Club).  

Comedic beauty, one of the rarest and most powerful forms of beauty. 

Total Body Rubdown

Today I woke up, showered, and went to a free yoga class.  I struggled a bit through it, my hands slipping on the mat, my back aching during some of the poses.  But I made it through, then got a cappuccino and tofu green chile breakfast burrito.  Struggling through yoga class was the last straw though... I caved and called to book myself a same-day massage appointment.  My back has been hurting for nearly two months, due to my never-ending cough. 

The beautiful moment for today is the moment when, maybe twenty or even thirty minutes into my massage, I felt myself completely relax.  My breathing was even and my mind was slipping off into that pre-dreamland state.  I think it would take at least three more massages before I could completely rid myself of the tension in my back, neck and shoulders, but this is a start. 

Knowing Me, Knowing You, Ah-Haaaaaa

Today I came home from work, chatted with Rachel for nearly an hour, lifted weights (just for about fifteen minutes, but I DID IT!), watched an engrossing episode of Dateline NBC, chatted with my mom for more than an hour, and spent a couple hours surfing the internet.

And it was awesome!

I found some information on the internet that was really helpful.  Ah, the mighty oracle, offering such pertinent insights.

I found a couple of programs at colleges that allow me to take prerequisites for the master's program I've been looking into.  Yep, lookin' at schools!  I'm getting excited about it but there are still a few steps I need to take before applying.  I have done the online research but it's time to get personal, baby.  So, basically, job shadowing and informational interviews, I guess.  Seeing what it's like post-degree to make sure it's a career I could see myself being happy in.  So, until I get to that point... we'll just keep it nice and quiet.

There is beauty in answers.  Beauty in knowing what I want.  Today I realized that it's impossible for me to know what I want about everything all the time.  But I can know some things.  And it's empowering to say aloud that I know what I want.  Such as: I want my career to be something that aligns with my personal values.  So perhaps I don't yet know what that career is.  But I at least know one possible path, and I know what I need to to to figure out if it's what I should go for, and I know what I need to do to apply to programs if I decide it's the right thing for me.

There is beauty in questions as well.  But lately I've felt an abundance of questions.  It feels like there will always be an abundance of questions, so some certainty is welcome.  This day, a sigh of relief instead of exasperation. 

A Love Letter

I've been thinking about you lately.  I'll be surfing the internet and then find a mention of something that reminds me of you, and then I'm hit with a pang of wistful wanderlust.  There's something so exciting about you, something so familiar too, despite that we've only spent a few weeks together.  I want to jump on a plane to get to you, but there's usually something stopping me... not just the expense, but this nagging feeling that you are just too cool for me, that I don't have enough drive or Type-A behaviors to make it work between us.  But something about you brings out that drive, that creativity, that urge to just live and create and thrive.  I worry that this feeling would fade, but there's another part of me that says, hey kid, as long as we're together, I can't help but become more of the me I am meant to be. 

A couple of weeks ago, on my way to work, a song by Alicia Keys came on the radio and the next thing I knew, I was trying to hold back tears, trying to calm the lump in my throat. 

Even writing this, I'm doing the same thing.  The tears catch in my throat at the end of every few lines I write.  Swallow.  Breathe.

New York, New York.... this is for you. 

(Straying from the formula I've been sticking to so far.  Hey, it lasted three days, that's pretty good for me!  But these things happen when I've been hearing the city call.  Miss you, NYC.)